"a good lover stays sprunned"

Time for some good old fashioned doublespeak.

When I'm writing, I'm not worried about whether something is "good". The moment I share it with someone, that's all I care about. But when writing, I know that it only has to be "right", because if it's right then it will be good, but if I try to write something good, at best it will only be precious, which may not be bad but is rarely right.... and therefore not good. Writing is never a straight line. I worry a lot when I love something I write, when I'm convinced it's good before I'm told it's good. When my ego strikes WHILE I'm writing.

I've heard argument that writing is an act of ego, but it's sharing what you've written that is the act of ego. While you think I'm splitting hairs, I'm not. Writing is a passive act to me. It's active, sure. But passive in that I'm trying to exert as little will as I can on it, discover "truth" or what I call "right", so it can be good later. It's much harder to take something I love and make it good because I already believe that the world is off its rocker and it secretly IS good and no one else knows, and by changing it I will alter what is good and... There's a lot of messy stuff there. It's much easier to look at something I thought was right and have someone else say, "that's good, but it's not quite right." Then I can dig in and make it better.

Not that it's not a blow to my ego. (see? there is ego) I handed it to you to show you what a "good" writer I am, how "good" my writing is because it's not trying to be good, only right. And you come back and say it is good, but it's not right?

Whatever.

What am I really talking about?
I wrote my first song. (well, lyrics.) And I love them.

 Oh........no.

-BGD

"I wanted to hear it out loud, feel my words in space."

Let's take a moment to talk about outlining...

Actually, let's pause and take a moment to for me to say that this is my method, there's nothing wrong with how anyone approaches their own writing. I know plenty of writers who have marvelous structure and dedication and I would be very surprised if they didn't outline. I understand that there are many virtues to it and I'm not trying to be a detractor. These are my own limited perceptions and  I know that many of the claims I make will simply be untrue... unless you are me. But I'm using this writing to help me define my process and so, let's take a moment to talk about outlining....

Or rather the way I work.

I begin (oddly enough) at what I think the beginning is as I begin. This might move, change, be eliminated, but when I conceive of a play it is almost always from the rise of the curtain. It might be a single line of dialogue, an image or a set of givens. At this point, I know very little. And so I dive in and discover. I have characters reveal themselves to me just as the audience receives them. I rarely go into the kind of writer's trance that makes me passive, but this kind of writing is less influenced by the conscious version of me and allows me to be free to question what I'm writing as I'm writing it. (I can hear my writing professors scolding me for self-editing in the generative phase...) It also allows me to be surprised. I have ideas of where I think the play will go, but I'm not sure. Often, characters will jump out and do something shocking to me.

I live for these moments.

As we go on, inklings become more solidified and I make notes and scenelets and unrelated monologues that I know will appear somewhere in the script. I take walks and think about what I've written or what is holding me back from writing more. What I want to see more of. I take showers and do the same thing. I wash dishes and do the same thing. My head gets filled with these questions constantly. I mumble to myself "Okay, so...?" like a mantra. And through spurts and stops, by re-reading messages I left on my phone's text box or the back a receipt, I piece the rest of it together.

Sometimes it's joyous, sometimes it's painful. But it is always mine.

What it gives me is a sense of spontaneity. I don't feel bound to any idea for longer than I am interested in it, I don't feel like I have to know every detail or even be able to predict at all how things will end up. Sure, in truth I ruminate much longer than an opening line or image, but I find that what I think will happen and what I end up writing about never lines up. So why invest time in an outline that will only limit me and distract me from listening to the characters?

For me, it doesn't make sense.

-BGD

"Burns everyday. Not the way your thinking though. Burns for vengeance."

Scripting to me is filled with "oh, duh" moments. These are the moments when you realize you've been ignoring something obvious the entire time. It's like being lost for hours and then remembering that you COULD just look at your map, or that actually your goal was to get lost... or, that you've secretly driven right to where you wanted to go. It's weird how much this happens.

So the working title of the play is Saloon! Which has that fun wink-wink feel to it. But really, I want something pulpier and a little more genre-feeling. The Last Plot in Revenge is the working on it title, and could well be the actual title. The main character in the play is, of course, seeking revenge, and the subplot is based around two families in a feud, (Not that kind.) and the town this all takes place is named Revenge. So...

I was interviewing folks to work as dramaturgs and music directors or composers this weekend. And beyond getting inspired by so many talked and engaged people, that were really excited to hear me ramble on about Brecht, Waits and a lot of the other inspiration I have for the script... Beyond getting stellar feedback and being torn by so many good options... (and still having a few more interviews to complete) I realized something about the play. It's a story about revenge.

Oh..... Duh.

-BGD

"No way to sleep while there’s work to be done."

Painful realization: I actually write better and with more dedication in the morning.
...........oh no.

-BGD